Leandra Michaels
Form after Cavafy
Mark III Tap Room, Muncie, Indiana, early 1990s
My father said to me once your only choices are the factories. Oil stains or
the selfsame bruises. No longings for the night. Looking back I think of
things I could have done differently ... Sure, it could have all been different,
but what’s the use now, when all I have are these cheap photographs—night after
night after night, headlining my Miss Gay Indiana 1991 sash.
Us here have always been proud people. My first show after my crowning
the crowd yelled, you crazy bitch! & I was a crazy beautiful bitch. The next song
started, & I showed them my wild all over again. Look ... there I am—sitting
on the laps of strange men, lips pressed hard into cheeks. Oh, everyone had a piece
of me. & that’s the hard lesson: sometimes when you make that choice—you end up with
nothing. Nothing but photos & this plum job. Nothing & the undertow of song.
the selfsame bruises. No longings for the night. Looking back I think of
things I could have done differently ... Sure, it could have all been different,
but what’s the use now, when all I have are these cheap photographs—night after
night after night, headlining my Miss Gay Indiana 1991 sash.
Us here have always been proud people. My first show after my crowning
the crowd yelled, you crazy bitch! & I was a crazy beautiful bitch. The next song
started, & I showed them my wild all over again. Look ... there I am—sitting
on the laps of strange men, lips pressed hard into cheeks. Oh, everyone had a piece
of me. & that’s the hard lesson: sometimes when you make that choice—you end up with
nothing. Nothing but photos & this plum job. Nothing & the undertow of song.
Notes:
Leandra Michaels is the Drag persona of [redacted], who still lives, works, and performs in Muncie, Indiana. The Mark III Tap Room is the oldest gay bar in Indiana.
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Source:
Poetry
(July/August 2024)
