Here

By Ava Cipri

Alice had no idea what Latitude was, or Longitude either,
but thought they were nice grand words to say. —Lewis Carroll

Here is the encyclopedia where I learn first position

Here is where I begin ballet: at 12, in a class of 6-year-olds

Here is where I get my period

Here is where I substitute dance for childhood

Here is studio “B” where I practice

Here is the professional ballet school I leave my family for

Here are the barre & mirror & Dame Valentina’s nail marks on my upper thighs

Here is the table where I abandon food

Here is the pointe shoe I kill a hornet with

Here is where I dance to “What a Feeling” and “Eye of the Tiger”

Here is the drugstore where I buy my first box of laxatives

Here is my bus stop between an adult store & a strip club

Here is the first boy

Here is my first Swan Lake pas de deux

Here is when I stop menstruating

Here is the dressing room’s square locker I fold into

Here is the fifth girl I fall in love with

Here is the playbill with my name in it

Here is the backstage entrance

Here is sophomore year when I drop out for a dance contract

Here is 77 pounds

Here I leave the ballet company

Here is where the audience sits

Here I read everything by V. C. Andrews

Here I only eat macaroni & cheese

Here I get rid of all the kitchen knives

Here is the surgery table where I have my breast reduction

Here I sit through summer school

Here I enter my third high school

Here are my cap & gown

Here I choose from over 150 majors

Here I decide on Geoscience

Here is the lab where I study rock formations

Here is a quartz specimen:

Density (2.5): Here weight is the amount of matter in a given space.

Here on this stool, I’m no longer a number; my scale no longer holds sway over me.

Cleavage/Fracture (No cleavage, irregular fracture): Here its fracture is seashell-like.

Here its plane is predetermined, where I don’t need to be; I’m more than the sharp angles of my body

(jaw line, shoulders, ribs & hips).

Color (smoky) & Luster (non-metallic, waxy): Here it’s dull & waxy like crayons.

Here it’s so dark in my palm it is opaque; I can’t see through it unless held to the light. It is more earthly

than ethereal. Here minerals are not what they seem; I am not what I seem. Everything becomes

transparent.

Hardness (7): Here the visual isn’t diagnostic; it is in testing its resistance.

Here it comes down to resistance against an/other (person, place, thing). It is the measure of the bonding

strength between atoms & not easily scratched, stronger than my fingernail (2.5), this penny (3), & this

piece of glass (6).

Source: Leaving the Burdened Ground (Stranded Oak Press, 2018)

Here

Disability Poetics

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